I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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