Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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