We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
