What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
