is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
