What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
