I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
