i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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