I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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