Farmville is her only friend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
