I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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