He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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