are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
