I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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