I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
