the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
