New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
