hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just got carded by a ten year old.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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