This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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