I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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