i jhust puked up my retainher.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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