We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
