Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he thought i was a dude.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
