We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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