ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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