4 words: hood of his car
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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