If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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