pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
