are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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