Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
