Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
