Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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