yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
