The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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