I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
