It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
