y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Let's get the cat blown out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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