I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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