my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
