If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
