we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
