i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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