True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
