Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
