I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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