they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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