You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
