So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
