it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
