life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
