Sry I called you an 8
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
